Sunday, July 19, 2009

Forecast: Real Chance of Bullsh*t-storm

Looks like I'm gonna haveta' bang out another one today.

Those that know me (@theonlyEL being one!) know that I have a guilty pleasure of Reality Television. I'm a guru. I started with "The Real World" and have become a connoisseur of sorts. "The Amazing Race", "Survivor", "America's Next Top Model", just to name a few. Hit me on Twitter, I'll give you my full resume.

I admit, I watch this garbage. It is the Cult Of Personality grinding out douchebaggery in epic portions. I love it.

So back in the day, I got wind of "Flavor of Love" after Flavor Flav's stint on "Surreal Life" and that other bizzaro-show with Sly Stallone's ex, I didn't follow New York (the runner-up from FoL) to "I Love New York" (cuz I detest her), but kept up on the highlights through "Talk Soup". From ILNY, there were a few standouts, for different reasons. The two douchebags pictured above (Chance on the left, Real on the right) being a brother duo who came for New York (ugh, vomit in the back of my throat). We next saw them on "I Love Money", where they ended up with their own show, "Real Chance Of Love."

I'ma take a second to shout-out Risky and Cali, two girls from the show that are big-time Twitterholics. Ironically, these are the two girls who were the final choices for Chance, and he chose neither. This is the impetus for my blog.

As I said, I've been watching reality tv for awhile. Unlike a show along the lines of T.I.'s "Road To Redemption" (which was absolutely fantastic in focus, authenticity, and intent), these shows have no 'redeeming' value. The televison equivalent of nachos, or Twinkies. I watched the show because I thought Real, was real. He came off as very earnest when he was on "I Love New York", and on "I Love Money 2" we felt for him when his romantic overtures were rebuffed by Hoopz. So going into "Real Chance of Love", I wanted him to come away with a good girl. His eventual selection was Cornfed, or Abbi Noah as she is wanting to be called these days.

After going through the trials and tribulations of the entire season, to make it to the end and have the guy completely get the big-head (no pun intended) for all the chicks that come out of the woodwork is a real booby prize (again, no pu... ah, whatever). And when I say a hard-fought victory, for some people that was literal. There was some emotional investment on the part of myself, my Mom and my sister, we watched ardently. We had our favorites, at least as far as Real was concerned (I thought any girl who would knowingly commit themselves to Chance should commit themselves). To hear CornFed's version of events, you feel really bad for her. I want to quote a bit of what she said in her blog:

"I had an amazing time on Real Chance of Love. I made some amazing friends and I fell for Real. Anyone who says that reality tv is fake or the people are acting, well that's your opinion. But I was NOT acting! I am NOT fake! Very very far from it infact. What I felt for Real was sooo real. I will always hold this experience very dear to my heart. "

Doesn't sound to me like someone was faking. She's admitting that she developed real feelings for him. I don't need her words to know it, I saw it, but this confirms what I always knew to be true. "Reality" tv is not literal, but you are who you are. If you're real, you'll be real. If you are fake, the camera shows that too. Yes, things can be edited, taken out of context, but after enough time on-screen, who you truly are will reveal itself.

It takes ten seconds of on-screen time for you to realize that Chance is a Grade-A, Full-Blast, Dead-On Jerk-Off. Very simple. But Real turned out to be anything but what he appeared to be. Or he was real, and now we see that he has completely been seduced by the fame of the show and is now something other than what he started as. That's sad.

If given a choice between true love and fame, I'd take love over and over, because we all know fame is an illusion (unless you're believing your own press releases). Same thing make you laugh, make you cry, and if fame and vanity are your motivation, you are in for a fall most predictable as it is assuredly painful. Watching "Curse Of The Lottery", I heard a quote that stuck with me, "You are the same person you were 5 minutes before winning the lottery as you are 5 minutes after." If that's the case for millions of dollars, then it's most certainly the same for a reality show. Real now has thousands of reality-groupies throwing themselves at him, and rather than go with the girl who fought through that warped Funhouse to be with him, he's going for a second run into infamy. Guess 15 Minutes of Fame is worth a lifetime of happiness.

I feel a little like Jerry Springer trying to shine redeeming light on this Circus, but I am a romantic. I believe true love can exist even in undue scrutiny. But Real and Chance have whored themselves to the Cult Of Personality, reaching beyond their station of E-List Stardom and believing themselves worthy of playing with people's lives. If one believes in karma, we can only imagine what's to come of these two. Chance was the brother that was most cringe-worthy when he came on, but now it's Real that makes me shake my head in disdain. Chance didn't portray himself to be anything more than Emperor Douche, and the women who go on that show (in the new season) and pledge their "love" are getting what they deserve. I just wish Real had the same decency rather than playing the "Good Guy" role. And 'decenct' probably isn't a word I should be trying to apply to him.

-ere'bodee's favorite mega, blogninja

PS With all that being said, I'm going to avoid "Real Chance Of Love 2" like MRSA out of respect for Abbi, Risky, MILF, Bay Bay Bay, and Cali.

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